Monday, June 16, 2008

Hand Over The Aqua Net And No One Gets Hurt

I was really cool in the '70's. I kept my long, straight hair perfectly coiffed with the handy comb I kept in the back pocket of my Levi's cords. That same hair was a sight to behold as I raced around the skating rink singing along with the BeeGees. Marcia Brady had nothing on me. It was truly a wonderful time in my life. I rocked! Unfortunately, my hair reign came to an end with the arrival of the '80's. That's when my clinically diagnosed case of Big Hair Envy reared it's ugly head.

It hasn't been determined who actually made the decision to deem straight hair "out". It must have been someone with curly hair. Or a man. The world may never know. Seventeen magazine proclaimed big hair "in" before I even had time to consider the consequences. What was I going to do? How could I go to school with my stick straight hair? How would I ever get a boyfriend? These questions were answered with one trip to the drug store - AQUA NET! In the pink can. The motherload.

Getting ready for school in the morning was a breeze! It only took a couple of hours. The usual stuff didn't take that long, but then there was THE HAIR. Before I jumped in the shower I made sure to turn my jumbo curling iron on high - just to be sure it was searing hot by the time I was ready to use it. In about an hour. Once I had dried my hair, I doused it with a big shot of Aqua Net. While it was still wet with the glue-like substance, I quickly rolled it piece by piece in the iron (which was covered with so much residual hairspray that it's a wonder the heat could penetrate). It was a joy to behold! The curls didn't move. The final touch was the bangs. Oh, the bangs. I would follow the same process, but after curling the bangs I would tease them into oblivion. My bangs were so high that sometimes I had to duck when I went through doorways. Not really. But that's how I felt.

Aqua Net - you are my hero. You helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life - adolescence. I will be forever grateful. I'm ashamed to say that I eventually gave you up for Rave. But don't feel bad, I also gave up Tickle deodorant. There's a time and a place for everything.


Ok, Where Was I? said...

OMG, the residue on the curling iron. How could I forget that? That gross brown layer you had to scrape off with your fingernail. And the rave! Forgot about that stuff too.

Holy Crappers said...

I envied the big hair. My hair was to fine and straight to do anything about.
I may need therapy now just thinking about it.

#2 the blog :)

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

LMAO..This is hilarious. I remember having to get up earlier to use the cruseted curling iron, curling every piece of hair on my head and then using a ratting comb to accomplish the high bang and wings. I too ditched the aqua net for rave. Thanks for the memory as much as I hated the process.

Brittany said...

:) I am glad I came back and read your first blog! Its too funny.. even though I was barely born in the 80's (sigh.. I wish I was a teen in the 80's) I can comment on the curling iron! I still curl my hair into curls, and I do have a curling iron hanging in my bathroom, thats brown and crusted and nasty! lol and when I visit my aunt, I always borrow her aqua net, that stuff can hold ANYTHING! Perfect for FL weather :)