Friday, July 31, 2009

Dear Joe Car Maker

Dear Joe Car Maker,

I understand that times are tight. We are all feeling the effects of the sluggish economy. However, I would appreciate it if you would consider once again installing turn signals in your vehicles. It seems that this feature no longer comes standard with purchase. The extra cost must be exorbitant, because there are very few people on the road these days who have them.

This plea is not only for me, but for all of the other safe drivers out there who rely on signaling to know if someone is, say, TURNING! How about CHANGING LANES? It's a simple thing, really, but many drivers do not seem to grasp the concept. Perhaps you could also include a section in the owner's manual that covers the correct use of THE FREAKIN' BLINKER!!! I recommend that you call that section "Chapter One".

Finally, I would appreciate it if you would find a way to make the interior of each vehicle a "dead-zone". This would ensure that the lunatic talking on her cell phone this morning would NOT have swerved over into MY LANE and nearly given me a heart attack! You see, no signal = no cell phone chatter! Problem solved! Lives saved!

Thank you for taking the time to read my list of suggestions. I'm confident that it will take an ACT OF CONGRESS for these requests to come to fruition, but I remain hopeful. In the mean time, I'll try to stay off of the roads as much as possible.

Yours in Road Rage,


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Crabs Gone Wild!

Previously, on Crabs Gone Wild!, the Bloggers were enjoying a fun-filled day at Bud's Beach. As the sun began to set, the Bloggers chugged more wine realized that they were not alone on that private beach.....
(cue ominous music)

Earlier in the day, Grandma J had gone to the store to pick up additional ice and water. Little did she know that the cute squeaky toy she purchased for her beloved JJ would soon morph into a monster, inflicting pain and nearly inciting a riot!

Was he angry because Bud tried to eat him?

Was he annoyed that C-Dub wouldn't come off of those cool shades?

Perhaps he caught an attitude because Grandma J took him away from his peeps at the local store.

Or maybe he didn't like Marlene's smokin' new hair color.

Did he want a sip of Audrey's wine?

Or did he just want to give Daryl a peck on the cheek?

I may have gotten angry too when Mama offered pruuuunes!

Thank goodness Noe Noe Girl finally saw what was happening, and managed to hit him over the head with a bottle!

It was touch-and-go there for a while!
Will the crab ever wake up? Will the risque crab photos surface? Who will be the next victim? Will crab bisque be served for dinner?
Tune in next week for more CRABS GONE WILD!!!
(cue theme song)

This show is a reenactment of actual events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday Fun Facts

"FIREWATER" compliments of Bud's Beach, Gwynn's Island, VA

Just in case you aren't sick of my drivel haven't learned enough about me already, I thought I'd post a few facts about my mundane fabulous life! A list of current events, if you will...

*I have completed 51 classes at the gym, and have dropped a measly 5 pounds. This means that I need to complete 153 more classes in order to achieve my weight loss goal. Wine, anyone?

*Tonight is opening night of a local performance of Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro. The one and only Snow White makes her opera debut as Cherubino. Snow White's parents are quite proud of their daughter, who is an aspiring opera diva! **praying for sholarships**

*It has come to my attention that there will be a new requirement for all Blog Fest '10 attendees. Each participant will be required to provide a urine sample prior to all beach activities. This will ensure that there is a ready supply, and no one will be asked to "step up" should an emergency jellyfish situation arise.

*Vacation Bible School has been a HUGE hit with the children this week! As the Snack Lady, it was my job to ensure that the snacks were as much fun to make as they were to eat. If the amount of scraping I had to do to remove shredded cheese, pop rocks and cool whip from the carpet is any indication, I succeeded!

*I went to BJ's yesterday. All of the summer items have been taken down and replaced with Halloween costumes. What the heck is THAT about? I've just started to get my flip-flops broken in.

*There was an amazing light show at my house last night. We didn't get the much needed rain, but the lightning rivaled any fireworks display I've ever seen.

*Cool Breeze and I are craving seafood. Looks like crabcakes and scallops are on the menu at Casa de Envy this weekend. YUM!

*I have scheduled a poolside nap for tomorrow afternoon. What will you be doing to rejuvenate yourself this weekend?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Beauties On The Bay

I'm in too much of a blog fog today to bother with commentary. Please enjoy the photos...and the memories.

Brain-haze seems to have set in and completely wiped out my ability to form complete sentences concentrate. Somewhere along the way, I passed a 200th post. Go me!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Mathews Mayhem

Recipe for Mathews Mayhem

16 +/- Adorable Bloggers

One Amazing Chesapeake Bay Family

Assorted Local Folk

A Sprinkling of Men

One White Goose

One Cat Named "Twinkie"

One Waterman's Boat

One Lighthouse

Several Cases of Wine

One Original Blog Fest Song





One Bonfire


Combine all ingredients. Mix well. Let simmer for four days. Dust with magic. Store for a lifetime. Serves too many to count.


This is Meg rescuing the lost noodles from an almost certain death at sea. (My little point & shoot camera had a hard time keeping up with the "big guns" on this trip! This shot may have been clear if she hadn't been three miles away at the time!!!)

Grandma J, Bayman and CB Mother gettin' cozy in the hot tub!

Grandma J with CB Mother and Father just before departure. We didn't want to leave, but Gustav had just had about enough!

Auds brought these snacks for us to taste. Evidently, Wicked Whoopies are the Maine equivalent of our Moon Pies. Who knew?? Let me tell you one thing, Cool Breeze and Snow White will have me ordering more before long!

"Twinkie" wasn't too happy when Grandma J began packing. He really wanted one more night to "fix her hair" while she slept!

More photos tomorrow!

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Beginning & The End

Much to my dismay, Blog Fest '09 has come and gone. Thanks to all of the fabulous ladies (and gentlemen) who made it possible. If you'd like to "visit" the attendees, head over to Chesapeake Bay Woman's site for a complete list!

I am struggling to corral my thoughts enough to organize a post, so today I'll just share the beginning...

Wine glass designed by Meg at Soup Is Not A Finger Food. Wine label designed by Laurie at Foolery. Thanks, Girls! You're the best!

...and the end.

Miss you guys!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Next Stop...Blog Fest '09!!

The title of this post is a bit misleading. I am not actually on my way to Blog Fest...yet! You see, there's still this business of picking up GRANDMA J at the airport!!!! Yes, you read that correctly! I, BHE, have the PRIVILEGE of retrieving Grandma J from the airport!! YAY! (Don't hate.)

Cool Breeze loaded my truck early this morning. He's good like that:) I still have to make a quick trip to the grocery store, but I believe everything else is in order. Did I mention that I haven't packed my bag in the truck yet? The picture explains why. I'm not really sure WHERE I'm going to put it. I'm also not sure WHERE I'm going to put Grandma J!!!

I cannot even begin to imagine what this weekend will hold....

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Blog Fest Eve

On this Blog Fest Eve, I am in denial that I still have to pack feeling a little stressed. Not only am I nervous about meeting everyone, but I'm also trying to figure out how I can eat all of these fresh veggies before they spoil.....

You can always count on everyone's garden coming in at the same time. This causes quite the dilemma when my generous friends indulge me with fresh produce. Last night, despite the fact that I had a fridge FULL of these beauties, I chose to eat Cape Cod potato chips and leftover birthday cake for dinner. I have no regrets. Wouldn't it be nice if you could spread the garden bounty out over a twelve month period?

In the latest Blog Fest News: I regret to inform you that Sasquatch will be unable to attend. Many of you were counting on him to join the party, but he has a previous engagement. Maybe next year...

After work today I'm heading to the store, then home to drink wine and hope the Packing Fairy pays me a visit pack for the weekend. Tomorrow is the BIG day! Try to rest up. I have a feeling there won't be much sleeping at Chesapeake Bay Woman's home for the next four days!!!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Vacation? What vacation?

As I type, my vacation is submerging itself into the "Distant Memories" folder of my life. How is it possible that 40 hours of work is the equivalent of watching paint dry, and 40 hours of vacation is gone in 60 seconds??? Doesn't seem fair...

It's possible that we were distracted by the air conditioning unit that went out. Twice. Or, perhaps, the attack of the killer yellow jackets who had taken up residence under the porch furniture. CB is allergic, and I was stung in a place comparable to the wounds of Forrest Gump. (No, I did not photograph THAT for my blog....although, it was tempting. Nothing like a good Pity Party to make a girl feel better!) But, I still don't understand how an entire week can pass unaccounted for.

Well, there WAS this little event for which we were preparing. Perhaps the stress of it all put us into a state of denial. Perhaps the thought of feeding 150 people, and trying to ensure they had a good time, completely short-circuited my already-full-to-capacity pea brain. We may never know. What I DO know is that I wouldn't trade the memories for anything...and that I had to go back to work WAY too soon!!

Cool Breeze and I have dreamed of having a large party at our home for YEARS! A few months ago, we decided that NOW was the time, and we set a date. Little did we know that the A/C would act up, and the garage enclosure (for which the building permit is dated FEBRUARY 11) would not be complete. NO!!! We entered into this venture BLIND!!! On a wing and a prayer! Fortunately, we have VERY understanding friends. They know we're a bit neurotic, and they talk about us behind our backs love us anyway!

Once the party was underway, the stress seemed to evaporate. Wait, maybe that was the humidity. Either way, it was the perfect evening to celebrate life with friends and family, and a birthday with Mom x 2!!! Having Noe-Noe Girl here helped as well:)

"Grandaddy" and "The Captain" go WAY back! They were happy to have some time to catch up on old plundering and pillaging stories! There may have been rum...

The local boys came out and ROCKED THE HOUSE!!! There's nothing better than a good ol' country boy!!!

The Waldorf Estoria Hillbilly Hotel prepared one of their best rooms for Marlene & her man...

...they had to bathe in the Cement Pond!!

What? Did you actually think we had indoor plumbing??? Silly Bloggers!!

I could have NEVER gotten everything done if it had not been for the help of my good friend, Sasquatch. He was my right hand man...literally.

Although, he DID develop a disturbing attachment to my Diet Coke. Go figure!

With THAT "little" event out of the way, I am now focusing on BLOG FEST 2009 IN MATHEWS, VIRGINIA!!! YAY!! Of course, next week is Vacation Bible School at church, and then Snow White's Opera follows.....but I CANNOT think about that right now!!! I'm too obsessed excited about meeting all of you people who live in my computer!!! Heehee!
Wishing all of you attendees safe travels. Can't wait for the festivities to begin!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Well, I'm back at the computer for a little while today, and I see that the Blog Fest chatter has begun!! YAY! It won't be long before we're all at Chesapeake Bay Woman's beautiful home on the water swatting mosquitoes sipping wine and gut-laughing!

After reading several email exchanges this morning, I realize that I need to get busy on the following: lose weight, get a tan, practice small talk, get a makeover, find a flattering bathing suit, borrow a personality, schedule liposuction, and have pesky veins in legs removed. Whew! I'd better get on that...

The commemorative sippy cups tumblers have arrived. I hope you like them...

Cool Breeze and I are on vacation this week, it's really a "STAY-cation", and I am trying to focus on getting things done at home. We are hosting a "little" gathering Saturday, and anticipate a crowd of about 200. ( Teaser: there will be two bands!) More on that next week:) Needless to say, I will be otherwise occupied and may continue to be a Blog Deserter for a few more days. Forgive me?

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend! Let's not forget to thank all of those who have been instrumental in fighting for the freedom we so often take for granted.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


This is my yoga instructor, Deanna. She wore a blue top today, but you get the idea. Deanna shows no mercy. In a past life, Deanna was an evil emperor who ruled with an iron fist. In this life, she is a perky yoga goddess who can run five miles and never break a sweat. I believe her role in this life is far more sinister.

I have two favorite yoga poses: Child's Pose & Corpse Pose.

Any questions?