The Bean (names have been changed to protect the guilty) is really an Evil Sleep Saboteur (ESS). She goes to bed at night like a good kitty, but around 3 a.m., she morphs into an ESS and emerges from the dark recesses of Snow White's room. The ESS stealthily enters my room, and begins to claw at the side of the mattress. Quietly at first, then with reckless abandon. If she is unable to rouse me from my slumber, she will find a plastic bag to shred, or she will simply begin to FLING HERSELF against the closet door. (We would be in BIG trouble if she had opposable thumbs) As I struggle to get to my feet, she rushes to the door to be let out - finally free to pee, hunt, or whatever it is that she does out there.
Now, in the summertime, she will remain outdoors indefinitely. She will lounge by the pool, climb the dogwood tree, and deliver decapitated vermin to the porch. In fact, she has so much fun out there, that I have to coax her inside on balmy mornings before I leave for work.
Evidently, 15 degrees does NOT constitute "balmy" in her book. Just as I begin to fall back asleep, the ESS will begin attempting to open the outside door. She will jump up and wrap her paws around the doorknob while FLINGING HERSELF against the door. Just in case we hadn't already heard the commotion. (Remember the thumb thing?)
Once again, I roll out of bed and stumble to open the door. The ESS immediately heads to her food bowl for nourishment. She needs as much energy as possible to begin Phase II of her Master Plan. Phase II is comprised of a number of random acts of violence that will ensure that I am unable to fall asleep - for at least two hours. For example: scratching the sofa, chasing her tail, doing somersaults while chasing her tail, tearing up random scraps of paper in Snow White's room (homework), and biting the ends off of CB's boot laces. This madness ensued about two weeks ago, and I am SO over it! If I am going to walk around sleep-deprived, I'd like for it to at least involve some sort of overindulgence.
The winter has obviously been too long, and too cold for The Bean. If she doesn't get some outside time soon, I may NEVER be able to rid my home of the ESS. It's supposed to be in the 60's here this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!