Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hossenfeffer

WARNING: This post may be offensive to those with squeamish stomachs, IBS, sensitive gag reflexes, aversions to real life in the country, and direct connections to PETA. Should you choose to read this post, Casa de Envy is not responsible for any damage caused to you or your clothing/shoes/furniture as a result of the above listed conditions, or any other conditions not mentioned herein.

Do you see the innocent dog in this picture? The one who is in dire need of a good brushing, and a Slim-Fast additional food because his owners don't feed him quite enough? Do you see those eyes, pleading for just ONE MORE treat?

This morning, he was forced to take matters into his own paws, mouth hands. Bless his emaciated heart!


When I first saw him on the porch, it didn't appear that anything was amiss. He was in his usual spot near the doormat. I walked over to let him into the house, and that's when I saw IT. A baby rabbit. ( Poor thing...it didn't stand a chance with that nearly-starved beast lurking about the property. ) My dog thought he was going to be allowed to bring IT into the house with him...I guess he was going to save it for a mid-morning snack. As I shooed him away from the door, he snatched his prize from the doormat and tossed it into the air. Taunting me. He then ate it. Whole. Fur and all. I threw up in my mouth a little.

MY appetite has just returned within the last half hour. I'm sure HIS appetite returned within 15 minutes of gulping down one small serving of hossenfeffer.

I can't imagine what tomorrow's fresh catch will be. I'm hoping for wild turkey.

22 comments:

Ellen said...

I'd be happy to host your dog if he would be willing to take care of a few rabbits and one huge groundhog. But then, the groundhog may just be as big as your dog.

The Incredible Woody said...

I love your puppy - I am sure he and Dixie would get along famously!

My cat, God rest her soul, used to bring little presents to me and leave them on the back porch. The problem? Sometimes they weren't quite dead and would crawl into my gardening shoes to get away, where they would die. Nice!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Well now I dont feel so bad. My Sierra dog took off with a dead chicken that keeled over. Nuggets will never be the same!
Wild Turkey??? At least you can drink that!

Daryl said...

OMG

A few years ago Ray's daughter Lisa's chihuahua Sugar Bear killed a dozen baby rabbits she found nesting in the backyard ... and brought all of them into the house thru the doggie door and into the den while dinner was being eaten .. her husband saw what Sugar was doing, got up and cleaned up before Lisa saw what Sugar had done ... then she was all upset .. but not upset enough not to get Sugar a dog toy shaped like a bunny!!!!!!!!!

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Note to self: Do not let BHE's dog lick me when I come for a swim in her pool.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Poor bunny. :(
I never heard of a dog eating a bunny...I will not tell Cocoa and Ozzie of this incident.

thevinylvillage said...

awww it means he loves you.

but....ewwwwwwwwwww

ab said...

ok ew! but don't they do that as a "gift" to their owner? ok, no. i didn't convince myself either.

trailerparkbarbie said...

This morning, my cat left me a present...something's liver. I really wish that she had gone ahead and eaten the whole thing (whatever it was).

Your pooch sure has a shiny coat. Wild critters must be good for shine.

Hadn't been by in a while so thought I'd stop in.

Grandma J said...

This makes JJ seem sooooo civilized. He won't eat any meat unless it's well done with teryaki marinate.

Predo said...

How is he with moles? I have lots of treats for each good kill!!!!

Big Hair Envy said...

HA!!! My dog is in charge of groundhogs, muskrats and other such critters. My CAT is the one who gets the moles, voles, mice, rabbits and squirrels. The dog just takes the credit sometimes!!!

For the record...my cat has brought us a severed head and innards every day for at least a month. Since the voles ate all of my hostas last year, she KNOWS she's in for a treat!!!!! Darn Vermin!!!

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Icky.

The end.

littletoesandcheerios said...

OH MY! I saw a mouse the other day...you think he'd have that for a snack?
My dog once caught a bird in mid air. He was so proud and all I could do was scream at him and tell him how gross he was. He just hung his head...poor Oscar.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I went out and bought a bag of food and treats for your dog. I have called the authorities concerning the malnutrition abuse of this poor animal. They will be out to pick him up on Monday.

Keetha said...

My parents used to have a chocolate lab, Shelby. She was all about some rabbits. That dog was the laziest thing but she would move faster than you'd ever have thought possible when she saw a rabbit. She wouldn't bat an eye at a cat.

TSannie said...

Mental P. will be horrified when she reads this! Remember last summer's bunny incident w/her dog Dora??

TSannie said...

And that innocent dog of your is just a big adorable lug.

HalfAsstic.com said...

If he brings up a turkey, you wrestle that thing away from him and same it for dinner! BWAHAHAHA!

Mental P Mama said...

Oh no! We had a baby bunny incident with our dog. I think I'm going to need more Ativan.

Suz Broughton said...

Ewwww! No kisses for days, thank you.

Baby Favorite said...

Oh, no! This is my fear w/my yellow lab. EVERY MORNING, she finds rabbits in our front yard and chases them at break-neck speed. One of these days, she's going to win, I'm afraid.

Poor bunnies!