Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Skunked



That special time of year is once again upon us. Those of you who live in the comfy confines of concrete and street lamps may not be aware, but it's officially Skunk Mating Season! YIPPEE!


One of the first signs of SMS is seeing the carnage. There is a direct correlation between the number of dead skunks stinking up the roadways, and the number of baby skunks that come along seven to ten weeks later.........next year's roadkill. I've noticed recently that the smell of eau de polecat has slapped me in the face and burned my eyes greeted me on my morning commute. Oh, joy.


Another sign of SMS is smelling the faint funk that will occasionally surround your house and field. You know they're out there, but you can't get the gun fast enough see them. I'm okay with this, as long as the smell stays OUTSIDE!


The third, and final sign of SMS is realizing that you need to ask yourself the following question: "HOW IN THE *&!!!*(&^#()&* AM I EVER GOING TO GET THIS SMELL OUT OF MY HOUSE?" You may wish to substitute "MY CARPET", "MY CLOTHES", or even "MY HAIR" - whatever the situation warrants. For me, personally, it went something like this....


Monday night we let our dog out for one last potty break before bed. This is an everyday occurrence, and one that rarely ends poorly. Shortly after he went out, he ran across the yard into the shadows. We were aware that it was SMS (see the second sign above), but we were too tired to worry about it didn't give it a second thought. When I heard our dog bark to come in, I naively went straight to the door and opened it for him. He had barely gotten into the kitchen when we realized that it was NOT a deer he had been chasing into the field!! The smell created a house-wide funk warp in under three seconds. It was so bad that I wondered if it would be possible to die from inhaling the fumes. (Then I saw the light... Bwahahahaha!!)


It was too late to do anything about it that night, so we put the dog outside and went to bed. We all went to work/school Tuesday well aware that we reeked!! Snow White sent me a text and said that her purse smelled like skunk, and that she was going to have to leave it in the floor in all of her classes! I told her to watch the people around her and see if anyone caught a whiff!! I checked the internet to see what advice they had for skunk funk removal, and headed to Target and Pet Smart to stockpile my arsenal. Armed with Skunk Remover shampoo, Pine Sol, Baking Soda and Carpet Fresh, I headed home.


The house smelled awful, so I poured a glass of wine and got busy. I put Carpet Fresh on the rugs and little cups of Pine Sol in every room, lit candles, candles and more candles, cranked the ceiling fans up on high and opened the windows. Cool Breeze saturated the poor dog with the Skunk Remover shampoo. It may have helped, but I think we have just gotten used to the odor!!!


I'm hoping for a less stinky evening tonight, but I'm not counting on it. The last time this happened it took about two weeks for the smell to dissipate. What's in that stuff anyway?? I wonder why they haven't found a way to use it as a weapon? It would be like pepper spray on steroids!!


Do you have a skunk story?


18 comments:

Ann Marie said...

only skunk story I have is that I like the way skunks smell... seriously.

Diane said...

My mother claimed that being sprayed by a skunk caused her to lose her sense of smell.
This was verified by some scientific testing I did in high school. (ahem)

Mental P Mama said...

Get some Summer's Eve. I swear by it...for the dog's coat;)

Grandma J said...

I had a similar event years ago with my dog. I don't recall any Skunk Remover Shampoo, but I was told to bathe my dog in tomato juice. I sprinkled tons of plain baking soda on my carpet (the scented stuff would have made my headache worse). The worse part was my dog was small and couldn't be left outside at night.
We get plenty of skunks where I live now.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh...you poor thing. I have NO skunk story and I am ok with that.
So, that whole "pepe le peu" was a false tale..no sweet romantic skunks in your area???

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

Just last week at a basketball game, a father apologized to us for smelling like a skunk (we didn't smell a thing) because he _____fill in the blank with a bad skunk story whereby the skunk was the size of a Clydesdale horse and he ran over it with his car and his car and all humans smelled like advertisements for skunk smell. ANYWAY, my mother, who's been sprayed multiple times and is like Dr. DooLittle, said tomato juice but then acknowledged--like you--that the U.S. should be using that smell as a lethal weapon!

And now I leave you with a tongue twister:

A skunk sat on a stump
And thuunk the stump stunk
But the stump thunk
The skunk stunk.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Only 2 glasses of wine were responsible for this nonsense.

Good luck but don't worry - this too shall pass. It's always something.

HalfAsstic.com said...

I wondered what that smell was when I opened up your blog post!
Heh. I's so evil!
Sweetie, I really only know that the only reason I don't know more about skunks is that I have been ridiculously lucky thus far in life.

Tomato juice comes to mind...
Love you!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh good heavens! That is awful! One time our dog got sprayed by a skunk. We had to give him a tomato juice bath. I wish that I would have had a blog when I was a kid. I would love to see those pictures now!

Daryl said...

No skunk stories here but I did hear someone discuss this once and a tomato juice bath for the dog was highly recommended .. good luck .. I am sure it will be okay to visit you come July .. wont it?

and tell SnowWhite, she is lucky this happened now vs before her NYC audition ... just sayin'

Keetha said...

Years ago when the family was together at Thanksgiving, the men folk were off in the woods and my uncle got sprayed. They washed his clothes - over and over - with tomato juice. To no avail.

The smell eventually wore off. Eventually.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Aw Hell,just come on over to my house, you'll feel right at home! My dogs have the sweet skunk breath going on! We can stink while we drink! I caught 3 whiffs of skunk on my ride into town this morning. Those striped critters can sure stink up a car now. Between the mud plowing and the skunk dodging I think I'll just hold off on the car wash!

littletoesandcheerios said...

My friend and her brother got sprayed by a skunk once while waiting at the bus stop in Jr high school. They got on the bus and about killed us all. The teacher sent them home, they took a tomato soup bath and returned, lol!

New moon said...

Its really very nice story. thanks for sharing this informative post.

Cute Friendship Messages

Meg said...

Eewwww, gross, but thanks for the heads-up because I'm sure they're roaming around here in Maryland, too.

Ann Marie? Honey, that's just wrong. But it does explain a LOT.

The Incredible Woody said...

I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but if your dog/skunk incident is of the depth and dimension as our dog/skunk incident, learn to like skunk.

We washed and washed with every manner of skunk shampoo (from the vet and at least 3 different pet stores). We tried every home remedy that anyone told us about - tomato juice, etc.

And just when we thought the smell was gone, she would get wet and BAM! There was the smell. Even her licking brought the smell out!

The best remedy we found was a concoction that our vet gave us - it was a mixture of 1 quart hydrogen peroxide, 1/4 cup baking soda, and 1 tsp liquid detergent. Soak your dog in this for 5-10 mins and then rinse. Warning - this may bleach your dog's hair! But it really did help.

Predo said...

1) I totally understand!

2) I have personally been in the same stinky dog situation.

3) Time is the only proven weapon for such an attack

4) Combine the above, my history with skunks with you post and you get me, laughing hysterically! Ah, one never really gets over the "stink of love", now does one!!!

Country Girl said...

How could you like the way skunks smell, Ann Marie? The scent makes you want to die it is so bad! I don't have a skunk story like this one but I just let George out and now I'm going to be concerned until he comes back . . . sheesh.

dwyatt64 said...

Also....avoid them on the road at all costs. One of our teachers hit one on the way to work. IF your ac/heater or vent is on, voila..into the car it comes, and you smell like skunk as well. I was behind a car the other night that hit one, and even though it wasn't even ME my car stunk for a week!